If I could do anything I wanted…
Sometimes just a little thing can change your entire mood, and suddenly your beautiful, sunny and optimistic attitude tints itself black with the color of insecurity.
Life has been great since I moved into my new apartment in Vancouver. I finally got done decorating, cleaned out the patio (patio!!), planted some plans and herbs, and the cold and rainy February days changed into hopeful mid April spring time. Since I can use my little patio and the warm sun rays make it bearable to comfortably stay outside for more than a few chilly seconds I feel like a brand new human being. For the first time in ages I have this weird feeling… like I’m HOME.
Soon though I will have to move again, since this beautiful place is going to be torn down (so they can build another high-rise… sigh!!). And although I promised myself to not get too comfy and cozy in here I somehow can’t help but getting more and more connected to this place. It’s mine, I keep it clean and cozy, and I feel somewhat rooted.
Today I surfed on Craigslist – just to see what’s out there in Vancouverland. It’s not very promising. Basement suites, more basement suites, oh garden suite (dirty and full of shit, so.. no), basement or suburbia. No suburbs for me thank you very much.
So yea, I got a bit depressed, because actually, I was gonna prepare to move back to California by now. And I haven’t even started yet. Because there are a few things here I unfortunately got very comfortable with. Friends, spring time (Vancouver IS actually so beautiful when the sun’s shining, darn you!), work, more work, a new job offer, …
If I am not going back to California, and rather stick around here for a while… what is it here that would make me happy??
Is it a place? Find the perfect new home in the nature? Is it a job, that challenges me creatively while totally accepting what weird little nutjob I am? Is it a person, someone I can do all kinds of quirky little things with, and road trips, and film nights with pizza and slurpees, going to the ocean and writing our heart-framed initials into the warm sand?
Thank god for Pinterest.
If I could do anything with my life, I would do this: