So I’m single now for what.. 9 months?
I’m slowly starting to feel I could actually get used to watching Netflix movies with someone else again, leaving secretly tiny love notes in his pocket, piggie back riding through the park, cooking a fabulous dinner that I planned for a week, or just waking up next to him in the morning watching his chest raise and fall, go through his hair and just feel at peace. Gosh what can I say, I’m kind of a romantic at heart haha.

For some reason I’m having a pretty hard time. I just hate going on dates – per se. It doesn’t feel natural.

I’m not good at opening up to most strangers, and you really REALLY don’t have to impress me with THINGS! Don’t buy me fancy stuff! Don’t sit there stuck up and try to sound all smart. Swear, smile sincerely, tell bad jokes, show your quirks and imperfections.. it’s totally ok to be insecure. I am, all the time! But that makes you human, and honest.

I just want to meet someone that becomes my best friend. Who is not afraid to be the person he really is, and don’t need to cover that up. You know, someone that can read my mind – like when we’re in a room full of people and look at each other and without saying a word understand our eye-rolling or unspoken insider jokes.

It’s not that nobody likes me. To be honest, I got asked out by a bunch of guys. Some were my friends. Almost all of them kept calling, kept wanting to go on dates, kept trying, but I didn’t feel right. I have NO IDEA why!! Is it me? Those were all nice, attractive and friendly guys. But I’m missing something.. some craziness!

I always thought that I am like that awkward little bee in Blind Melon’s video of “No Rain”. You know that one? I wanna dance and smile and be crazy, hug the whole world, come up with new and exciting things, do stuff unconventionally, the way nobody has done them before.

And I need to find that one other wacko bee who wants to join me in bee land!!